Sekimori - Live Blog

I sweartafuck, Jetta drivers must get a picture of me when they buy their new cars. And instructions to drive as much like a complete fucking asshole as possible whenever they're within 100 yards of me.

From the short little punkass motherfucker who tailgates me, flips me off, and whom I've called the cops on at least three times, to the tiny headed little cowlet who nearly sideswiped me this morning...Jetta drivers, you can all suck it.

Posted 12/03/04
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How to Screw Up Royally

I sweartafuck, you want to get on my bad side? Email me, complaining about one of my site designs. Be as condescending and nasty as possible. Top of the List, buddy. Top. Of. The. List.

Posted 10/27/04
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Fair Warning

From the excessively rude jackhole in my comments, to the business-acquaintance-no-longer who was roundaboutly shown the door, and to the other complete and utter fucknuts plaguing my life today, I am on a roll. I've got plenty of pissed off and no place to put it. Volunteers?

**UPDATE - Jackhole no longer jackhole, has apologized.

And rejoice, comment line break thing fixed by a suggestion from Tanya. Because I know you were all waiting with baited breath. Now go brush.

Posted 10/19/04
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Just Don't

You wish to suck up to one of my design clients? Then go fucking suck up to them on their fucking site. DO NOT FUCKING EMAIL ME WITH YOUR FUCKING SUCKUPAGENESS, because I guarantee you, there's just no better way to (further) piss me off today.

Posted 10/07/04
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Be Polite, Dammit

We are all about politeness lately. And not letting it slide when people are rude to us in public. Oh yes, we are calling them out, right then and there, pointing out their rude behavior, practicing a little public humiliation.

We took the kidlets to the mall last weekend (an activity we have since forever foresworn) and hadn't even made it into the entrance when an expensively dressed cow on a cell phone and her sluttily dressed hellspawn not only rushed to jump in front of us to go in the door, but utterly failed to hold the door for us, letting it close in my child's face. Well. I spoke loudly, exclaimed something like, "That was freaking rude!" Certainly loud enough for her to hear, but she pretended not to, and continued with her important call.

We herded the kids through the pet store (an obligatory stop as all parents of younglings are aware), and I was unsurprised to find myself yanking the kids out of the way to keep the Gucci Cow from bowling them over. I turn and yell, " 'Excuse me', that's what polite people say!" The evil, midriff-bared, probably-was-a-virgin-at-least-up-to-her-eleventh-birthday hellspawn turned and looked at me blankly, as if she A) couldn't believe I was addressing her, and/or B) didn't actually speak English, then continued on her merry way, sans apology or acknowledgement.

Well, we're done. That's going to be the standard from now on. You act like an ass in public, we're going to treat you like one. Loudly.

Posted 08/30/04
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Shitehole Alert

Thomas O'Neil, the proprietor and lead asshole of, is a spamming piece of shit who deserves to fall into a New York city sewer and be eaten by alligators. Over the weekend I expressed my extreme displeasure with the fact that I was being spammed by this basement-dwelling freak and now the little pissant is signing my email addresses up for pr0n mailing lists.

While this is merely inconvenient (lists are opt-in, moron, meaning I have to confirm the subscription), I do have a burning desire to feed Tommy boy to a pack of feral pigs. But really, cruelty to animals is unnecessary, I think. So what do you, my fine readers, suggest I do with this shit stain on the bedsheets of humanity?

Posted 08/29/04
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And the Flowers are Still Standing

It's all over for our neck of the woods. It looked like we were going to get shithammered there for a while, but the eye went about 40 miles east of us, essentially knocking out power all around us. I'm devastated to hear Captiva Island is under water, shudder to think of the damage to Sanibel.

Now, we must have bed. Waiting is tiring. Thanks to all the well-wishers.

Posted 08/13/04
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Still Here

The eye is sitting level with Sarasota right now, and the beeyotch is still a Cat 3....right on target to pummel my area though, so will report in later, maybe tomorrow if there's broken glass or tree limbs to clean up. Cross your fingers for us...

Posted 08/13/04
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Hold On, It's Going to be a Bumpy Riiiide!

Finally, some interesting frickin' weather!!

**UPDATE - We're going to congregate with the rest of the family members over at my mother's house, where power is MOST likely to go out. *sigh* The things we do for familial peace. If I owe you email, or anything else, I'll be back in touch as soon as computer access it allowed. For those who have the cell phone's on and fully charged.

See you on the other side.

Posted 08/12/04
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To paraphrase a popular cubicle sentiment, my ass is now closed for business.

Posted 03/05/04
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Got Pr0n?

I'll let you know how it is.

Posted 01/18/04
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Dear John Q. Public:

It's no secret I don't like you. You're largely stupid, mostly ugly, and quite a lot of you smell bad. You are ignorant, uncouth, and boorish. But what I really find unforgivable is your complete lack of manners.

When I'm standing in the aisle at Target, perusing the designer spatula selection, if you feel it absolutely necessary to walk between me and the pretties, you really need to say "excuse me."

When you walk in the open door through which I am about to exit, causing me to halt in my tracks so as not to be slammed into the cheap perfume display, and thereby doomed smell like Joan Rivers for eternity, it is the polite thing to say "excuse me."

In addition:

- Do not queue jump
- Do not fight over store goods
- Do not attempt to run over me with your shopping cart
- Do not glare at my children, they're much better behaved than yours

I would just like you all to know right now that, should you perpetrate any of the above (directly on my person or not), I will embarrass you as you have never been embarrassed before. I have a scintillating vocabulary, a brut wit and a temper forged in the fires of hell itself. In other words, it won't be your best day.


Posted 12/17/03
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The word is "disoriented." It has never been "disorientated", it will never be "disorientated".

Accept it and move on.

Posted 12/16/03
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Don't let anyone tell you differently...chocolate covered popcorn just ain't right.

Posted 12/15/03
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