Sekimori - Live Blog
A Bowl Of Rant

Heard on the news last night that that plucky little freedom fighter, Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh, allegedly has said that the murder of Danny Pearl was intended to "teach the United States a lesson" and that it was just a "first step." Well Sparky, I'm pretty sure that abducting and murdering our citizens is not going to do much more than piss us right the fuck off.

I told you boys how to get our attention over two months ago. Are you just stupid? Money. Cumshaw. Graft. Squeeze. Bejamins. Or Abdullahs, whatever...but the exchange rate is gonna kill you. Take all your ill-gotten millions, and instead of spending them on three-decade old Kalishnikovs, buy yourself a lobbyist or three and start bugging Congress about this and that. If it's truly our foreign policy you despise, get your Harvard and Oxford educated asses out of the caves and come and change our minds like fucking civilized people.

But that's the problem, isn't it. You're not civilized and, like a puppy who was never spanked for piddling on the carpet, it's too late. Something about the personal violence excites your deliberately closed minds, even though it does your cause absolutely no good at all. Are you truly so short-sighted that you believe that one or two casualties here and there are going to make anyone think differently? Killing people at weddings, eateries and nightclubs exhibits nothing but a stunning level of cowardice. Even killing 3000 people at once has done nothing for you but make you dispossessed and hunted. If your hatred is so great, your cause so just, declare war and get down to business. Face the enemy on the battlefield and take back what you fancy you have lost. Oh, no wait, that's the way of the warrior, not the craven coward. It takes no courage to strap on dynamite and blow yourself to bits, just a feeble mind and an atrophied imagination, ripe for the vile half-truths planted by your religious leaders.

Well, I hope you're happy. You could have been living large in D.C., hobknobbing with your karmic equals, speaking the only language they understand: money. Oh well, say hi to the scorpions for me, okay?

Posted 02/25/02 in WTC
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Final Olympic Thoughts

I'm so tired I just called the "bobsled" the "bebslod." And I shall call it that from now on, too, so there.

Final Olympic thoughts:

NBC still sucks. I really appreciated their constant interruption of the closing ceremonies with adverts for cars, cat food and crappy merchandise.

I hope they got the guy who was calling the bebslod events back to the asylum okay. I'm sure they missed him during the Scare The Sane People Open House.

The N'Sync boys didn't n'suck during the National Anthem. I was moderately proud of the little whippersnappers.

I suppose there was no way we could have the Olympics in Utah and not invite the Osmonds, eh?

I read at Swank Blog about the US women's Hockey team having the Canadian flag on the floor in their locker room before the final game. MVP Hayley Wickenheiser was quoted after winning the gold, "We heard they [US Women's Hockey Team] had our flag on the floor in their dressing room, and now we're just wondering if they want us to come in and sign it..." Far be it from me to exhibit anti-patriotism (misanthropy?) but, you go girl!

And just to ensure my Google hits remain in the hundreds per day...check out this anti-Apolo Ohno Flash movie. An unintentionally hysterical interpretation of what no doubt actually occurred in the 1500m race.

Posted 02/24/02 in La-Lympics
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Olympic Thoughts

Bob Costas' eye job looks a little more natural this Olympics, doesn't it? He looked like a startled deer in Sydney.

I have the biggest crush on Apolo Ohno. Is it the soul patch? Is it the thick, surfer hair? I just don't know. But I inexplicably want to cuddle him. After hot sex, that is.

I really didn't care who won the women's figure skating but I'm kinda glad it wasn't that Slutskaya chick. I can't even type her name without snickering like a twelve-year old boy.

I think it is unanimous that NBC's coverage both sucked and blew. My Olympic viewing today was interrupted by yet another NBA game. Would it kill them to not air just one?

I don't understand 4-man bobsledding. I get 2-man...one to steer, one to brake. What are the other two guys for in 4-man?

Not happy with the look of the medals this year. I remember the plain circular medals of 20 years ago with fond nostalgia. They looked like big coins, ridged, stamped and clinky.

The whining perpetrated by Wayne Gretzky and the South Korean and Russian contingents was petty and small. The spirit of the Olympics is lost, Hercules would be royally pissed. Perhaps it is time to discontinue them.

Posted 02/23/02 in La-Lympics
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The Joy Of Shooting

The lovely and talented Bill writes today about being a Girl-Drink Drunk...she also writes about things that make me want to run over her father with my car but that's another story.

My drinking career began when I was 15. I was dating a 19 year old bad boy, which my parents HATED, and he introduced me to the complete lack of complex audacity that was Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill screw-top wine. Oh how I loved kissing him after he drank that wine. We moved on to wine coolers, yes it was the mid-80s, and kept Bartles & Jaymes fat and happy for the next year and spent many a night dancing on the roof of his car on deserted country back roads. Then came beer. I discovered how shotgunning a beer, while high on the street cred scale, will likely make you puke...how draft/keg beer always tastes better than the bottled stuff...and how funneling is just wrong. *Humorous Aside* I once funneled wine coolers on a beach...I dug holes to vomit in then covered them back up like a cat. *End Humorous Aside*

When the legal years began, I tried everything. But usually stuck with the girl-drinks. I didn't want to taste my alcohol, I just wanted to "catch a buzz," as we used to say. Kahula and cream, anything with the word 'Sex' or 'Beach' in it, sickly sweet stuff on top of alcohol, any kind would do. Finally I discovered Long Island Iced Teas. They had on me the approximate effect of Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters...I would drink one, feel nothing, then send another one down to see what happened to the first one. Then I'd send a third down to see what happened to the other two and that's when they usually had to scrape me up from the floor...or pry me off some hard body. This got expensive, both financially and karmically. Some unknown time later, I discovered shots.

Shooting is not for sissies. It takes a certain amount of moxie to both drink the raw stuff and to slam it down your unprotected throat in such a manner. And I'm not talking about mixed shots like B-52s or Slippery Nipples (these are just really short mixed drinks), nor the anonymous colorful stuff in the creepy test tubes and certainly not schnapps. A Lemon Drop does count though...a shot of vodka followed by sucking on a sugar coated lemon. But nothing puts hair on your balls (literal or figurative) like tequila.

Tequila. Drink of the Gods Who are Perennially Potted and Horny. Filling the tiny glass with fiery elixir, going through the ritual of tossing the shot, licking the salt and desperately sucking on the lime as your eyes begin to bleed. There is nothing like shooting tequila. Margaritas are good, but tequila shots with Corona chasers are the stuff of legend. You can party all night on tequila and Corona, but make no mistake, you will pay the next day.

But not so much that you won't do it again.

Posted 02/22/02 in Local News
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Headline Translation Service

Today's headlines brought to you by South Korea: "(incoherent sputters of impotent rage)"

Bush Stresses Rights and Arms with China's Jiang
Translation: World Leaders Get Serviced By Geishas, Drink Incessantly, We Had To Make Something Up

U.S. Troops Try to Win Hearts, Minds in Philippines
Translation: Enlisted Men Informed That Most Cultures Frown On Rape

Micro$oft Told To Open Windows
Translation: Bill Gates Buys Metric Ton Of K-Y

Judge Rules Yates Jury Can See Video, Photos Of Drowned Kids
Translation: Trial Law Reaches New All-Time Low

Hubble Telescope Under Fire
Translation: Alpha Centurians Accuse Earth Of "the naughty peeping"

New York Nuclear Power Plant Leaking Radioactive Coolant
Translation: Sales of Three-Legged Pants Skyrocket

Short Track Golden Boy Ohno in New Controversy
Translation: That's What You Get For Pushing Me, Bitch

Americans Storm to Double Gold in Skeleton
Translation: We Have No Idea What It Is, But We Won!

Lance Bass Goes 'N Space
Translation: One Down, Four To Go

Duchovny Returns for "X-Files" Finale
Translation: Once Great TV Show Sucks Dick Of Ex-Star In Blatant Ratings Ploy

Mariah Carey to Make Another Movie After 'Glitter'
Translation: New Evidence That Satan Honors His Contracts

NBC pays 'Friends' $22M
Translation: Desperate Network Nears Bankruptcy

Posted 02/21/02 in Headline Translation Service
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Headline Annoyance

Well, I was going to indulge in a little Headline Translation this fine morning, but the following headline just torqued me beyond all capacity for thought or reason: Bobsled: Flowers Becomes First Black to Win Winter Gold

In what other country is this an issue? Goddammit, your skin color no more defines who you are than does the shape of your nose. Moronic headlines such as this one do a fine job of perpetuating the very idea that we're different because of our skin color. We are not different. Whether you're of a theological bent and believe that all of humanity was created in God's image or of a scientific bent and rejoice in the recent studies that show just how closely related we all are, you already believe that we're all of one race. What country you come from defines your customs, your taboos, your interests and only sometimes your skin color. People of African descent have darker skins due to centuries of existence in equatorial climates. It's like any one of us getting a tan, only genetic. Nothing about skin color will tell you a damned thing about the person inside.

And while we're on the subject, dammit, neither does your sexuality define who you are. It defines who you like to have sex with. And that is all.

So why do this way of thinking persist? The short answer is because there's more stupid people than smart people running around, breeding little stupid people, shouting racial slurs at each other, opening Starbucks franchises, etc. And yes, I include in the definition of "stupid person" those who worship the almighty dollar, those who oppress others in the name of "God," those who perpetuate the idea of "sins of the father" and those who discriminate on a daily basis. Most of these definitions can also be attributed to ignorance but in this day and age, if you're not making use of the widely available resources to discover the truth for yourself, you are irrevocably stupid.

We, as human adults, need to get the fuck over ourselves, posthaste. I have it on good authority that the dolphins are just biding their time for their shot at the top of the food chain...

Posted 02/20/02 in Idiocy Abounds
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The Summer of Insanity

There is a six-month period in my near personal past known as the Summer of Insanity. Yes, it was as bad as it sounds.

I was 23 or so and sharing an apartment with two other hot babes. We were all single, we all worked together...the synergy was frightening. We drank, we smoked, we sang karaoke. We entertained more gentlemen callers than I have a prayer of remembering. By the end of the six months, one of us was married and the other two in long-term relationships that eventually turned out to be shite. It was a helluva ride.

Here, for your viewing enjoyment are the things I learned during the Summer of Insanity:


* Tickle fights at 3 a.m. piss off the downstairs neighbors.
* If she ain't from Louisiana, don't eat her bouillabaise.
* If he's married, he should wear a goddamned ring.
* Buddies shouldn't fuck, but fuck buddies rule.
* Air Force Majors are assholes.
* Army Sergeants are assholes.
* A bartender can be your best friend. So can a waiter.
* Knowing the guys in the band makes you really cool. Fucking them does not.
* Turn off the breaker before installing the ceiling fan.
* In rooms that share a common wall, place beds on opposite walls.
* Do not sing "Tomorrow" to your girlfriend at seven in the morning unless you want Ex-lax in your Frosted Flakes.
* There is no way to avoid a hangover.
* Drinking at home before you go out because it's cheaper is a sure way to puke sooner.
* At a bar, deep throating a Corona bottle will get you anything you want.
* Men are powerless against the Sex Look.
* Everybody can tie a cherry stem in a knot with their tongue.
* Playing pool while drunk significantly improves your game.
* Do not set your drink on the edge of the pool table.
* If you're the first woman he's wanted to date since the divorce, Just Say No.
* Playing darts while drunk is just dangerous.
* Zima is quite tasty.
* Busy bartenders won't stop to make you a frufru drink with cherries and shit. Order a beer or a shot and get out of the way.
* Doing shooters from test tubes is just weird.
* Jello shots are the invention of the devil. So is vodka.
* Eat before you drink.
* Playing Trivial Pursuit while stoned is just oxymoronish.
* If he says he's going to clean the kitchen, he's lying.
* Never climb into bed with a drunk roommate.
* Sex with strangers can be fun. Keep lots of rubbers on hand.
* Yes, a rubber will stretch...a lot. So will your vagina.
* If he's still there in the morning, it's not your problem, you can still make your tee time.
* Never let your roommate set you up with an old friend.
* If he disappears after two weeks of amazing sex, don't call him.
* Once the six month lease is up, move...you only need one Summer of Insanity.

Posted 02/16/02 in Local News
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My Day Thusfar...

...has consisted of cat puke, cat poop, milk that's been spit out and rubbed all over the coffee table, milk that's been spit out onto the couch and carpet, an oatmeal covered spoon put back in the silverware drawer, kool-aid crystals scattered all over the kitchen floor and shower cleaner sprayed into the toilet.

*whimper*

*UPDATE*
Cat pee. Cat pee on the Magna-doodle.

Posted 02/13/02 in Joy of Parenting
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Headline Translation Service

Sponsored today by the country of Iraq: "Heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllpppp!!!!!"

Bush Keeps Iraq Options Open But Secret
Translation: Pudgy Middle-Eastern Despot Despoils His Drawers

American Taliban Fighter Pleads Not Guilty
Translation: BA HA HA HA HA HA!!! *gasp* HOO HOO HEE HEE HA HA!!! *snerk* WHOO HOO HOO HAA HAAAAAAA!!!

Milosevic Scorns War Crimes Trial as 'Lynching'
Translation: Ex-Despot Who Specialized In "Ethnic Cleansing" Oblivious To Irony

Iran Reportedly Arrests Fleeing Al Qaeda Fighters
Translation: Please Don't Bomb Us! Look, We're Helping!!

House Nears Campaign Finance Vote
Translation: Blah, Blah, Blahdy Blah

Tyson Granted Boxing License In Georgia
Translation: Southern State Full Of Shit

They're Still Friends
Translation: Six Skinny White People Now Richer Than God

O'Donnell Expected to Address Sexuality on Air
Translation: Talk Show Host States The Obvious

*LATE BREAKING NEWS*

Lay sells house for $10M
Translation: Bush Continues To Support His Connection

EXPLOSIVE ARAFAT PULLS GUN ON AIDE
Translation: "I'm funny how? I mean funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny?"

Posted 02/13/02 in Headline Translation Service
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Laffalympics

Tuned in to the (paltry and needlessly flippant) Olympic coverage last night just in time to see the Canadian figure skating pair take it up the ass from five of the biggest fuck-ups ever to push a pencil. In what universe was the bloodless routine performed by the Russians superior to the lovely (and technically flawless) performance delivered by the Canucks? And was there extra-secret super special credit given to Sikharulidze for knocking Jamie Sale on her ass during the warm-ups? Enquiring minds want to know.

I do have to admit that I was appalled when I heard the opening strains of the Canadians' musical choice. That piece of music is both sappy and annoying, but it suited their choreography (or vice versa) and they did a fine job. I was kind of disappointed that she didn't die at the end though.

*UPDATE*
The International Skating Union is going to stick their noses into this one and see what stinks.

Posted 02/12/02 in Foosball
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Conversations With A Five Year Old

Me: Sweetie, another fishie died.
Him: ...
Me: He was probably old and sick and he's better off now.
Him: (peering at the fishbowl)
Me: I'm sure this one will be okay, look how fast he's swimming!
Him: When he dies can we play with the castle?

Posted 02/11/02 in Conversations
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Headline Translation Service

Brought to you by the good people at Enron...building a brighter future for our executives.

Pakistan Says Concerns Mount Over Pearl's Safety
Translation: Pearl is So Dead But We're Too Chicken to Tell Anyone

Afghan Government Faces New Challenges
Translation: We Have No Word in Our Language for "Peace"...Won't Someone Come Babysit Us, Please?

Lawmakers Doubt They're Getting Truth on Enron
Translation: Congress Gets Fat Payoff, Enron Execs Exonerated

Iraq Says It Would Defeat Attack From 'Arrogant' US
Translation: We Will Defeat You (Please, They're Making Me Say This), You Arrogant (Oh, Please Help Me) Capitalist (Please, I Just Want to Come to America and Have a Decent Life With Food and Shelter and Maybe a Television) Swine

Daschle Says He'd Likely Oppose Bush Judicial Pick
Translation: Well That Bush Boy Hasn't Sucked My Dick Yet, So I Will Be Forced to Torpedo Any and All White House Proposals

Senators: Intelligence Suggests Bin Laden Alive
Translation: Well, We're Not Quite Sure What This 'Intelligence' Stuff Is, But If It'll Let Dubya Prance Around and Pronounce the Word 'Evil' Some More Then I'm All For It!

And in Entertainment News:

Harrison Ford Visits Fort Wayne, Ind.
Translation: Nothing Ever Happens Here in Fort Wayne, Ind.

Muniz Not Worried About Typecasting
Translation: My First Porn Movie Will Be Out in June

U2 Played Super Bowl For Free
Translation: We're Big Suck-Ups, Shutup and Go Buy Our New Disc

James Brown Denies Harassment Charges
Translation: Hell No I Didn't Grope Her, Bitch Can't Make a Decent Martini

Posted 02/10/02 in Headline Translation Service
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Marmalade

Once upon a time, I lived in a very large old house with a chef named Jack. Jack played blues guitar, smoked an inordinate amount of weed and rarely cleaned up after himself. Jack still owes me money and can kiss my ass. But that's another story.

Next door to us lived a nice, middle-aged British lady and her lovely marmalade-colored tom cat. This darling boy had the run of the neighborhood, waltzing in and out of my backyard any time he pleased. The local blue jay contingent despised him and took great joy in swooping down to snatch hairs from his back or tail as he moseyed on about his business. He ignored them with great dignity.

One day, I was home from work and heard a great blue jay commotion in the vacant lot across the street from my house. I went out on the porch and saw a tumbled marmalade heap lying in the gutter. That lovely tom had been hit by a car and the blue jays were celebrating. The tom purred a bit under my fingertips before he died, and I carried him to his person's porch, blinded by tears. I laid him down just as the woman who hit him arrived, grief stricken and apologetic. I retreated to my house.

To this day I hate and despise blue jays.

Posted 02/09/02 in Local News
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Headline Translation Service

Today's Headlines brought to you by the Alaskan Wilderness: "Help me! Help me!!"

Madden Joins Monday Night Football In Two-Man Booth
Translation: Massive Viewer Headaches Prompt Replacement of Dennis Miller With "StupidBrain Friendly" John Madden

Tonya & Amy Are Ready To Rumble On TV
Translation: Well, It's Better Than Frasier

Jennifer Love Hewitt In Playboy?
Translation: Playboy Rescinds Stacked Blonde Policy

Jews Bury Muslim Bombers in Pigskin
Translation: Israelis Demonstrate The Definition Of "Fuck You"

US Wants DNA From bin Laden Family
Translation: Pig Cloning Project In Need Of Fresh Genetic Material

Jayson Williams had Appeared In Gun Safety Ads
Translation: Irony Alive & Well In Advertising

W Solution on Welfare: Get Hitched
Translation: George W. Bush Still A Hopeless Moron

Pakistani Diplomat Says Suspect In Pearl's Killing Could Be Handed Over To U.S.
Translation: Pearl Murder Suspect Praying For Plane Crash

Crowe Unleashes Hell at BAFTAs
Translation: Pudgy Australian Prevented From Reading Poncy Poem, Goes Berserk

Posted 02/08/02 in Headline Translation Service
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Confessionalism

When I was nineteen, I began a two-year affair with a 42 year old man. We worked together, he was extremely intelligent and funny, and eventually the teasing became something else...something that got me splinters in my knees from the floor of a freight elevator. (And a blistering, accusatory phone call from his wife...but that was much later.) He was a fine man, excepting his penchant for adultery, but I now consider those two years a complete waste of time. Why? Because I had the ass of a goddess and I was wasting it on this clown (who had seven kids...two of which were my age) instead of having a normal, healthy relationship with someone with whom I could be seen in public.

If this reasoning sounds a little odd to some of you, consider if you will, that my weight (and therefore my self-esteem) had fluctuated wildly throughout grade school, high school and college. Being uprooted every two years or so, traveling to different countries and having to start all over again with the friend-making thing will make one turn elsewhere for comfort...like to Hostess food products, for instance. Couple that with the fact that I didn't notice when I was looking good (once you feel fat, you never go back) and no one ever brought it to my attention (besides the clumsy attentions of grade school boys and what the hell are those worth anyway?), and you've got a chick blundering along, apparently incapable of looking in a mirror with an unjaundiced eye. So this is why I'm disgusted when I look back at that time, see pictures of myself and see that I was HOT and get a little irritable.

Oh great, now I feel I should backtrack a little and defend the affair just a wee bit. It's not like he didn't teach me anything...I learned that a 42 year old man can go eight solid hours if he so chooses...I learned that it is possible to tell the most boldfaced lies to people and they won't suspect a thing, until two years later when they call you at work and demand that you stop seeing their husband or they'll have you killed...I learned that not being able to have a normal relationship with the one you, er, sort of love, is not acceptable and will make your brain soft and squidgy. And hopefully I've learned to pay close attention to what my daughter is saying...and what she's not saying. I guess my family just thought I was celibate those two years since I never brought anyone to parties, holidays or dinner, eh?

Lest I sound like a shallow, heartless bitch (which, make no mistake, I am), the biggest thing I've learned is that it barely matters what the mirror shows. If I think I'm sexy, then I am. If my husband tells me that I still have the ass of a goddess, then I most certainly do. An average woman who perceives herself as beautiful is a helluva lot more so than a supermodel with a case of self-hate.

Posted 02/08/02 in Local News
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Conversation With My Anonymous Inner Voice

Me: Ye gods, I am a ball of annoyance today.
Anonymous Inner Voice: Well, maybe you should switch to decaf.
Me: Dude, I'm lucky if I drink an entire cup of coffee in a day. And look at how much Coke I drink. It's not the caffeine.
AIV: Why don't you get a job? Get out of the house once in a while.
Me: Grrr...I'm trying. It's a big market, lots of competition. Plus I think my resume sucks. Yes, yes, I'm going to rewrite it. And as for getting out of the house, herding two small children around is a lot less stressful when husband is along and you know it. Plus, where would we go? We've got an excellent playground out back and when it gets a bit warmer, we'll be at the pool every day. We don't exactly have a ton of disposable cash lying around so Targetwhacking is kinda out.
AIV: Then why don't you write something? It's been months since you've written anything except that damned weblog. What's up with that?
Me: Um, remember those two small children? They aren't exactly conducive to concentration. The short format of the weblog has been a creative lifesaver for me...I can get in, say something pithy, get out and all before the hellspawn notice I'm using my brain. They don't like it when I do that.
AIV: Well then paint something. It's been over a year since you've done that!
Me: Two. Small. Children. I can't even have a bloody telephone conversation without them taking offense and constantly interrupting. Look bitch, if you don't have anything useful to say, just sod off.
AIV: Hey, I'm only trying to help.
Me: Oh hell, are you crying? Goddammit...
AIV: Well, you just don't appreciate me!
Me: I don't appreciate you? Well why the hell should I? You nag me constantly...Christ, how much chocolate are you going to eat?...don't yell at the kids so much...why are you always such a foul-mouthed bitch...quit flirting, you're both married/you're not gay, are you? You don't speak up in my defense when my brain decides to hold a midnight double feature of The Most Awful Memories and What's the Worst That Could Happen. You never tell my hands that I'm too young for arthritis. You didn't say word one when my black hair started turning gray at the age of 25. What is with you? You're like the worst Anonymous Inner Voice ever!
AIV: Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Great, just great....

Posted 02/07/02 in Conversations
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Breaking News

Micro$oft is suspending software development for a whole month to search out bugs in existing software.

In other news, Satan places an order for 900 billion pairs of ice skates.

It is this reporter's opinion that a month is not nearly long enough for a project of this mind-boggling scale (without the aid of Deep Thought anyway) and it's just an excuse to give the code monkeys a month's paid vacation without it affecting the corporate bottom line. I predict the end result is going to be nothing more than a rise in hacky sack related injuries and razor scooter burn on the Redmond campus. Starbucks will, however, post record sales.

Back to you, Wilhelmina.

Posted 02/04/02 in Short Cuts
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Why Yes, It Is My Job

Intrepid commenter, takes exception to my criticism of Attorney General John Asscroft, my foul mouth and the Caps button:

i don't get it. it not ok for ashcroft to say what is and what is not art but it is ok for you to take that role? did you apply for this job or did you create it? i played a lot of ice hockey growing up and noticed that the more 4 letter words a player uses (i used a lot), usually means the less talent they have. is talent/confidence is proportionally inverse to the # of 4 letter words regularly used?

Well Sparky, welcome to my rebuttal:

1. This is my blog, therefore I am the ultimate arbiter of taste and style. (I recommend Webster's New Collegiate for some of these polysyllabic words, dearie.) If I chose to pepper my speech with "fuck" and "shit" and "sod off, you buggering moron," then that's quite my lookout.

2. If you had bothered to pay attention to the rest of my site, it certainly would not have escaped your notice that I am an artist which gives me at least some small say in the matter and the FUCKING background to make an informed decision, ya think? And if you deign to check out my work and still think I'm a talentless hack, it's absolutely your privelege to have that opinion and even to share it with me. And to accept the blistering invective I heap upon you in return.

3. Last I checked, it was still a free country and anyone was free to voice an opinion about anything. Therefore, we can make the following assumptions:


  • It is Asscroft's opinion that naked boobies do not a piece of art make.
  • It is your opinion that I'm not allowed to comment on what is art without a mandate from some yon high establishment...oh, the Justice Department, maybe?
  • It is my opinion that you're exactly the sort of upstanding citizen that makes John Asscroft's tiny little heart swell with pride. Keep up the good work.

So, joe, I hope that's answered your questions. Thanks for writing in!

Posted 02/03/02 in Idiocy Abounds
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