Things That Are Pissing Me Off Before 9AM
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Things That Are Pissing Me Off Before 9AM

1. The jackass who came roaring through the parking lot, just as my kids were about to step off the curb. No, I didn't restrain them so you could pass first, numbnuts, I restrained them to save their lives. Slow. The. Fuck. Down. Oh, and pedestrians have the right of way, stupid.

2. The huge unshaven cow of a woman driving into my daughter's pre-school. Just what do you think is going to happen to that adorable little boy (adopted is he?) who's standing up in the back seat when you slam on the brakes to avoid hitting one of the many brilliant, ex-Indy drivers down here? He's going to torpedo through the windshield, that's fucking what. Skip a few burgers and Get. A. Freaking. Car. Seat. Oh, and thanks for holding the fucking door open for us, you circus freak.

3. The swishy little bastard at Starbucks who gets so very upset when my husband doesn't order his Frappuccino correctly, and gives him patently false names like Beauregard and Chesterton. It's none of your fucking business why I don't want frigging whipped cream on my iced mocha, you little pansy. And it's not a fucking mortal insult to your *snort* honor when I tell you to tell the barista to make sure to leave it off. And you heard me say "croissant", you little pissant. Making me repeat it does not confer any power on you, it merely irritates me enough to not leave a tip. Oh darn, I guess you won't be getting that Maybach after all, will you. Idiot.

All the above considered, I am happy to have placed this on my car this morning. That about sums it up.

**UPDATE

4. Punk kids, barely old enough to drive, tooling around in massive cars of the Land Yacht variety (Caprice Classics, Lincoln Town Cars, etc.), with the windows tinted and the bass thumping. You're. Pissing. Me. Off. You're driving my mother's car, number one, and I really don't give a crap what flavor of hiphop bs you listen to, white boy. I don't want to hear it at decibel level 942 and it doesn't give you street cred, mmkay? Xst.

Posted 09/16/04 in Idiocy Abounds
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