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Thoughts on Playboy

There have been a good many thoughts lately on Playboy, not those kind of thoughts. From Hefner bashing to how to save it to even more ways to save it. Does it need saving? Oh yes, dear children, in so many ways. We're going to leave out completely the business aspects of the magazine (esp. the fact that it lost $30 mil last year) and concentrate on content and big-boobed blonde women. Begin.


Aimed at the so-called playboy (a creature I personally believe became extinct sometime in the early 80s), ads for Harley Davidson and Buell motorcycles, FTD flowers, two different cigarettes and every type of liquor on the market litter the first twenty pages. The entire tone is elitist yet still lounge-lizard sleazy, the authors of some of the articles insist on referring to their male readers as "playboys" and ignore the female contingent completely. I'm not saying I want ads for tampons all over the place, but I think lightening up on the "ways to get more pussy" tone might be a nice start.

Big-Boobed Blonde Women

*sigh* If I want to look at Fembots, I'll rent Austin Powers. At least Cindy Margolis looks sort of like a real woman, not a slightly more animated Real with vibrating tongue! Sorry. Oh to be an airbrush artist and work for Playboy. If these people ever stop working to sleep, I'll be amazed. The procession of identical blonde Barbies has become so tedious that even I get moderately excited when I see that so-and-so is slated for a pictorial. But as this layout featuring 80s pop tart Tiffany shows they're more than capable of taking at least something approximating a real woman and plasticizing her into their founder's ideal. The Survivor 2 vixen, Jerry whassername, was rendered dull and mannequin-like by their ham-handed make-up artists and creatively-paralyzed photographer. And if that is Belinda Carlisle's ass, then I am the queen of England. And I'm not.

There is some good stuff in Playboy. Things that are actually useful and, dare I say, revolutionary...

What Rocks

" After Hours section includes excellent scoops on useful gadgets, new erotica releases, drink recipes, music releases, etc.

" Playboy Advisor remains hilarious and sensible at the same time. It should be required reading for teenaged boys and girls.

" Raw Data is fascinating, including random statistics and factoids from a wide variety of sources.

" Asa Baber is one of the finest writers working today and always has something interesting to say. And when Cynthia Heimel sits in, it's like a little gift from the gods.

" Newsfront is probably the best section of the entire magazine. It keeps a skeptical eye on the machinations of our Puritanical bureaucracy, making sure we know about it when school boards or governments get a little Scarlet Letter-ish in the noble pursuit of making us all as sexless as possible. This should be required reading for everybody.

So, Playboy, let's have less plastic blondes, more real women. Brunettes and red heads, even. Women with perceptible hips, natural breasts and with no visible bones protruding through their skin. More 80s icons, you're pandering directly to my generation's youthful fantasies there. And stop the airbrushing. Women have freckles, moles and wrinkles (you can keep the plucking rule though, thx) and it's unfair to portray the idealized version as not having these things. It confuses some *coughsimplecough* people. And don't succumb to the temptation to go the Hustler route....when we want split wet, there are more than enough places to get that. And we won't even mention the peeing. *shudder*

Okay then, I'm glad we had this talk. See you next month.

Posted 03/01/02 in She Blinded Me With Science
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