Sekimori - Live Blog
How It Is

Sometimes I wish I could write like Michele...really put it all out here, regardless of how raw or frightening or even hurtful it may be. I feel like I put such a small part of myself here, sometimes I wish I could show the whole picture, or at least a watercolor sketch. But my mind shies away from that idea almost immediately...Hey, isn't there a football game on? Scrabble? Where's that book I was reading...

I'm sure it has something to do with my rootless childhood. When jerked from country to country, you learn to make acquaintances quickly and to never consider them real friends. Just an insulating blanket of people with familiar faces that you don't expect to know for very long. You learn how much to show them, how much is safe to reveal, how much of yourself you can afford to give. And you're always ready to leave.

I will never put more of myself on here than you see right now. I just can't. I have met some good people through this medium, some who would have you believe they are good, and the usual number of assholes. The urge to take a break from this is pretty strong right now. There are some people who are making it much less fun than it used to be...triggering the "ready to leave" mode I've had to use for so many years.

But you know what? I'm not ready to leave. I've always maintained that this blog is for me. I write to amuse myself, to keep in touch with distant family and friends, to see if this writing thing is something I want to have a serious go at. If it amuses and pleases you lot as well, that's an extra added bonus and welcome.

But this is all there is. All there will ever be.

Posted 09/03/02 in Blog Things
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